I saw a newborn baby this week and while I cooed appropriately I didn’t get that broody feeling that people talk about. I don’t think babies smell amazing, I think they smell like milk and vomit. I don’t get all fluffy at the thought of babies and I can’t even begin to explain how much I hated being pregnant.
Mr MIP and I are pretty happy with our little family. We aren’t outnumbered by a tiny army of our own creation, we all fit in one row on a plane and the house we have is a great size for the three of us.
I have severe doubts that a Tiny MIP will be heading our way anytime soon and I think I’m ok with that.
I’m 37 this year and I don’t know if I can be arsed to start again with a newborn when the child we’ve got is already such an interesting little puzzle. Miss MIP has her challenges like speech delay, language difficulties, potential hearing difficulties and she doesn’t like to sleep very much. What if we make another one that can’t sleep and can’t talk……. the one we’ve already got is hard work so two feels impossible.
There is also the fact that things are just starting to get fun here. Miss MIP is old enough that we can all go out armed only with a water bottle, some snacks and a spare pair socks and shoes. We’ve said goodbye to nappies and don’t need bags of stuff to entertain her or feed her anymore. We can all go out for lunch together, to the cinema or just mooch around at home under a duvet.
We can also be a bit more selfish now she’s a bit older. I can work more hours now she’s at school and the extra money from that means we can have a bit more fun as a family. Mr MIP and I can also get away for a weekend as she’s old enough to understand that if she wakes in the night we won’t be here but she does get to have a fun sleep over with Nanny. Mr MIP feels less guilty about staying over night when he has to work away or if he has to work extra hours.
It’s amazing how all this logic doesn’t sit quite right still though. I somehow feel like I’m being a bit selfish by only having one child – like my job isn’t quite finished and somehow I’m letting some unknown, unidentifiable person down. As if just because my body has the capability to have children I’m somehow obligated to do .
Maybe our thoughts will change in the future but in the meantime I’m going to ignore those voices that whisper about how Miss MIP would love a sibling and just treasure the moments we have as a family of three.