When one is enough

“When will you be having another?”

“You don’t want to leave it too long”

“Too long and the gap will be too big”

“Ahhhh – she’d love a sibling”

Anyone who has one child is probably overwhelmingly familiar with all of these sayings and lets out an internal sigh every time they hear any of them.

I’m so bored of justifying the ongoings of my internal organs to other people and mostly total strangers at that. I’m just so fed up with the assumptions we even want another child so I’m going to start answering honestly rather than politely.

So here it is.

I don’t know if we’ll have another baby because I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t see into the future. I don’t know if we could and even if we could I don’t know if we would.

I can’t even begin to explain how much I didn’t enjoy being pregnant. I had SPD from 18 weeks and was on crutches from 22 weeks, I had low fluid, the baby was breech and I was sick a minimum of 3 times a day until I was 30 weeks pregnant. I had heartburn, headaches, couldn’t sleep and my hair fell out in handfuls.

I didn’t glow. I’m still owed a glow.

If I’m honest I’m in no hurry to repeat that experience.

Then we were blessed with this amazing, funny, wilful and spirit filled little girl who doesn’t stop moving, has a mild speech delay and still doesn’t sleep through the night very often. We are so tired. We are incredibly happy and love our little family group but we are bloody tired.

We all fit in one car, we can live in a smaller house, all fit on one row when we fly and aren’t outnumbered by tiny humans v bigger humans.

For us this currently works – that’s not to say it’ll always be that way but I feel pretty comfortable in saying that this isn’t going to change anytime soon.

I just don’t understand why the amount of children people have is up for public debate? I’d never dream of questioning anyone about how many children they have so why would it seem ok for them to do that to me? That’s not even taking into account the hurt that is felt when people tell you it’s cruel to only have one child or ask you questions about your fertility you aren’t prepared to answer.

The trick is to just mind your own damn business – if you choose not to have any children, just one or two or a bigger family then that’s your own choice and no one has the right to question you on that. If you can afford it and you are happy with your choice then just do you and let everyone else keep out of your business.

 

3 thoughts on “When one is enough

  1. RachelSwirl says:

    For some one is enough, for others it is different. We are all entitled to our own thoughts and opinions, I just wish some wouldn’t keep asking me when Ill have another.. TWO IS ENOUGH, IM DONE!

    • muminpractice says:

      I mean how many children are we supposed to keep the masses happy? One, none, two, nine, twenty seven? The problem with this parenting game is you always appear to be not meeting someone’s standard…… *sigh*…….. maybe I’ll have a glass of wine and ponder the answer 😉

  2. Heather says:

    This made me smile, and nod in so many places!

    I’m a “one is enough” mum, before I had my daughter I had an idea in my head that I wanted 2, with an few years age gap but from the moment I held my daughter I said no more, and I still feel the same!

    I remember the comments from friends saying “When she does x, when she does y, you’ll be ready for the next one” but I can honestly say the feelings I had when I knew I wanted to be a mum never came back after becoming mummy! I had an aquaintance tell me I was being selfish not having another one, this coming from someone who needed medical help to conceive, and specific medical intervention throughout her pregnancy and then was having a 2nd child because despite not really wanting to go through it all again she thought it was wrong to have an “only child”.

    My daughter is now 10 and turning into a very incredible young lady, I don’t feel she’s missed out greatly with being an only child, she is the first to make friends in new places and as we have moved quite a lot in her young life she has learnt a lot of skills that many children learn from siblings just by getting out there and making friends.

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